K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
