Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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