dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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