If i come over, it means nothing
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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