I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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