they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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