if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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