My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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