Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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