im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
