I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
