I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
