Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Im just a social blackout drinker.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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