Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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