I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
sex in a hospital.. check
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
soo... how was my night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
