I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
