I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
