..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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