My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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