he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
