evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
