On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
