Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
