I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
