i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
