you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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