the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
