I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
