I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
