my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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