I will die if light touches me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
