Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
