party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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