You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
