so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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