HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
