note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
