this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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