i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
