dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
