He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
