So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
