I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
either way he was missing a nipple.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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