I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
