i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
