Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
