i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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