MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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