I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
