omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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