I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
