Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
